So Sof(i)t(el) Loo Roll

On my way to another conference, this time on the famous Pall Mall, London.

I’m about 30mins early and as I approach the Institute that I’m visiting I pass a So Sofitel on Pall Mall. Now at this point I already knew that I needed to do a number 2. Could I have held it through the next 3 hour conference? Probably not. Could I have held it another 30mins and used the facilities of the venue I was due to attend. Yes.

But who wants to use toilets in a venue where you’re suppose to be networking. I hate the awkwardness of it all. I just want to shit in peace! Without people around me. I’ll be honest, some of the ratings I’ll be giving my experiences are also based on how busy the toilets are.

Anyway, The So Sofitel – In a previous job I was visiting a lot of Hotels for business meetings. The hotels in London have great washrooms and I knew the So Sofitel would just be So…. Soft!

As I headed towards the grand entrance I noticed a doorman with his fancy uniform and top hat. I prepared my smile and tried to look through the revolving door glass so I would know where the reception. By this stage I knew I was going to have to blag my way in.

I’m suited and booted, business smart and that was the problem. Of course this doorman wants to ask me where I need to be or if I was meeting anyone in particular. If I said my bum had a 10am appointment with the toilet seat he wouldn’t have laughed.

The blag – I said I was meeting a colleague here. “OK sir. Are you meeting him in the restaurant, the bar or the reception?”

Now the doorman is trying to earn his wages. I let him know that I will wait in reception and call my colleague as I continue to walk past him and into the middle of the lobby where the sofa’s are placed. I sat down for a minute, waited for the doorman to return to the door and start interrogating the next gentleman that walked through the door.

Then I sprinted! I found a corridor whilst the doorman’s back was turned and I didn’t look back. I found the lifts, I found the door to the ground floor rooms and then I found the toilets.

This time, I’d actually worked for my shit. There was adrenaline pumping through me as I tried to under-do my belt. Yet again, another clean London Hotel toilet – all for me!

I noticed the last sheet on the loo roll had been folded into a triangle shape. Its a sign. This tells me that the last person to have been in this cubicle was a cleaner. Perfect…Only a quick wipe of the seat needed.

My heart rate returned to normal just as I’d finished. The toilets were luxurious and no one else entered whilst I was there.

Now to think of the exit strategy. As I walked towards the revolving door and the nosey doorman I held my phone to my ear and said “that’s ok if you’re running late, I’ll come and meet you at the station instead” and walked past the doorman and out into the open.

I’d pulled it off!! Now that’s what I call a clean flush!

Rating: So Sofitel, Pall Mall London – 4 Stars

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